Caracas Chronicles

The second extraordinary session on Venezuela this week was called by Argentina, Bahamas, Barbados, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, U.S.A., Guatemala, Honduras, Jamaica, Mexico, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, Santa Lucía and Uruguay. The only point on the agenda was the “Consideration of the situation in the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela.” An atrocious impingement upon this country’s sovereign right to self-determine, to be sure.

The Venezuelan delegation was on a mission to make a circus out of the session, sending Vice Minister for Foreign Affairs and most-punchable-in-the-face-contest-winner (beating Ted Cruz by a galaxy) Samuel Moncada to sabotage the meeting with a slime cocktail of equal parts whining, newspeak victimization, and straight up badgering of his fellow diplomats. He began by delaying the agenda’s approval with a 14-minute rant on the “principist” [his words, not mine] destruction of the OAS, egged on by his socialist buttplugs, Bolivia and Nicaragua. By the end, Moncada had turned the session into a searing roast of his neighboring countries, complete with “oooooh’s” and “no he didn’ts!” from the audience, accusing the Colombian government of cocaine-production, making Brazilian president out to be a coup-monger, telling Mexico they deserved their wall, and demanding the United States pay back corruption money. It was spectacular.

We had a drinking game going, and were supposed to be doing a shot every time Delcy said “injerencia,” “derecha,” or “imperialismo. ” Halfway through, we switched the rules to “drink whenever the word ‘diálogo’ is said.” That was a big mistake. In the end, though, the result was positive. 20 countries voted in favor of today’s agenda, and later came out with a joint document, agreeing they would work towards “concrete proposals to define a course of action that contributes to the identification of diplomatic solutions in the shortest possible time within the institutional framework of our organization and through inclusive consultation with our member states.”

All these states explicitly recognized the existence of political prisoners in Venezuela, as well as the absence of separation of powers and the government’s outright refusal to hold elections. Thats as bold as we’re going to get in OAS for now, so it’s a pretty big deal. Venezuela said it was a hostile act.

Other funny things included Haiti calling Almagro’s report a “rumor” because it was never translated to french, and Guyana suggesting Venezuela be doused in water (they don’t know it’s being rationed here).

Today’s session was never meant to end in a vote, it was just for discussing Almagro’s Report. There will probably be a next one called soon. The whole Democratic Charter thing is a process..but it’s gathering steam. Stay tuned because this can only get better.

Here’s a look at how voting has evolved over the years: