Caracas Chronicles

There’s something deeply chilling about witnessing a dictatorship at close quarter. This morning on Globovisión, PSUV Assembly Member and erudite, Luis Soteldo put forward the new propaganda line against Yon Goicoechea, Venezuela’s newest high-profile political prisoner:

The ass-clown bullshit can use some decoding. I’ve put the subtext after each bit of propaganda.

“It has been fully proven that he had explosives in his car” (“No one’s seen said explosives, but Diosdado Cabello talked about them at a rally yesterday so obviously it must be true”).

“We will respect his due process under the law.” (“I don’t really know what this means.”)

“He received training from the U.S. Government during his stay abroad and has now come back to Venezuela with terrorist motives.” (“I’m doing such a good job with this script.”)

On how Yon got a hold of C4 if its all technically controlled by the ministry of defense

“Obviously he sneaked it in though a trocha.” (“note to self: look into what else the ministry of defense does.)

On what proof he has to assert that the opposition’s September 1st march will be violent:

“Every single opposition march is violent.” (“Man, I can do this in my sleep”.)

On why the government is calling on a counter-protest on September 1st:

“Our march is not for confrontation. Our march seeks to stabilize the country.” (“Nothing like a good round of firing public employees to get people to do our bidding.”)

On why drones were banned from the September 1st march:

“We are concerned about snipers.” (“I need aerial shots of the crowds on Thursday like I need a hole in my head.”)

On why the Catholic church should stay out of politics but the military shouldnt:

“The military has a constitutional right to participate in politics. We need to consensuate (sic.) a hegemony of love.” (I just came up with that word.”)

On why Venezuela keeps selling oil to the U.S despite evidence of a coup plot:

“We have diplomatic relations with countries that respect us.” (“I got nothing.”)

On why there are political prisoners in Venezuela:

“There are no political prisoners in Venezuela. Only politicians who are in prison. (“Soteldo, out.”)

Planting evidence on Yon Goicoechea brings chavismo to unimagined new depths of debasement. This is an episode we must never forget.