Caracas Chronicles

Still haven’t caught the fútbol bug? Here is the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela’s answer to all those schnazzy capitalist World Cup promos, courtesy of the genius and overfunded producers over at Televisión Venezolana Social (TVes), who, by the way, are celebrating today seven years since RCTV went off the air.

It is hard to comment on this visionary musical extravaganza (although Chiguire Bipolar did an excellent job), so I’ve just decided to let its poetry speak for itself, by giving you the GoogleTranslate version of the lyrics.

A dream that comes to invade the world
Nostalgia, passions for campiones
The sky will turn the world cup
My heart is life to win
Now the party’s Brazil comprises
Everyone in the stadium with excitement
They are two rivals for being champion.
TVES always feels global
TVES 2014 Brazil Goal!
TVES in world
Venezuela.
Get the party started football is party
The audience screams desire burst
You, You, and you playing football this month smiles with you
Everyone raise your hand
Supporting your dream team
Your flag up my brother
They are 90 minutes fighting
A battle of World Cup Football
Being first on the list
Commentators, narrators always talking to the top
Your dream is a challenge and you have to fight
wins, losses reach your dream.

Don’t miss the celebrity cameos, including Roberto Antonio’s man-boobs, chavista cougar Gigi Zanchetta doing her very best I’m-still-relevant-and-sexy-face in uniform, Winston Vallenilla with Chavez’s eyes (literally) on his back, and Diosdado’s pop-star sensation daughter, Daniela Cabello. A veritable galaxy of stars. Also, there are clowns on the pitch.

There is a beautiful expression in spanish, pena ajena, which means “embarrassment that is not yours.” If you can get through all four minutes of this monumental waste of our oil revenue without feeling it, or without your eyes and ears bleeding at the same time, then you, my friend, must seek medical attention.

And if you STILL can’t get enough State-sponsored World Cup entertainment, and are itching to delve deeper into the artistic process, TVes was nice enough to document the entire production of this video through a SIX-PART REALITY SHOW, available here. For free.  

Sorry, FIFA.