Caracas Chronicles

A super-massive blackout is currently hitting large chunks of Venezuela. Surprised? Probably not. But Nicolás Maduro sure is surprised.

The President has gone to Twitter to call the event “strange” and “abrupt.” Rest assured, folks – he and our Armed Forces are taking care of the problem. Let’s just hope our obese generals let go of their 24-year old Scotch and wake up from their nap to, you know, take care of the situation. Maduro’s “military” solution to the problem is curious since, back in April, he warned that the opposition would want to cause a massive blackout, and ordered all electricity hot spots to be “militarized.”

One is left wondering what ever happened to that plan.

I guess the event wouldn’t be so abrupt if they simply had pre-announced rolling blackouts, which is what they should have done a long time ago. But that would require acknowledging the problem is with the state-owned electricity grid and not “sabotage,” their usual answer to every problem in Venezuela.

Ah, it seems like only yesterday the government was promising an end to the electricity crisis. In fact, it was in 2010.

As for who is to blame? I will give you three tries, and the first two don’t count.

It used to be that iguanas were to blame for blackouts. Now, after an exhaustive investigation that lasted seven minutes, you can blame the blown fuses in your house on … the extreme right wing!

Perhaps it was an extreme right-wing iguana.