Caracas Chronicles

Lest you think that any notion of feigning “institutional restraint” through State media outlets was officially dead, in swoops Captain Diosdado Cabello to hammer that last nail firmly in the coffin. Last night, the stellar debut of  Cabello’s weekly Monday-night talk show  was simulcast over VTV and several other official broadcast channels.

In an unequivocal echo of the government’s recent calls for dialogue, Con el Mazo Dando, which roughly translates to “Hitting you with a Sledgehammer,” is intended as a prime-time “revolutionary battle trench” whose content Cabello himself describes as “strictly political.”

Now, its no secret that I have a shameless and morbid fascination with Diosdado, since he gets top honors in my evil-incarnate-lecherous-villain book of motherfuckers. So I was rather excited at the prospect of feeling like I’d be watching Darth Vader’s home movies, or peering into Hannibal Lecter’s more personal side, thanks to this show. Perhaps even, live human sacrifice on TV? No such luck. Despite all the hype, it was a veritable snoozefest.

Diosdado opened with a music video of Gota de Lluvia, a sappy sentimental song about Chavez in the rain, composed by the Venezuelan ambassador to Bolivia and performed by Cabello’s daughter, Daniela (Grammy voters, take note).

He then enlightened us with his deft analysis of the six-fold division within the opposition leadership, touching upon usual suspects like Leopoldo (violent and desperate), María Corina (crazy and desperate) and Capriles (fascist assassin). He ended with the clear and obvious conclusion that they are all pawns in the evil Empire’s agenda to dominate Venezuela.

Oh, I almost forgot: Nicolás Maduro dropped in on Cabello’s monologue 45 minutes in and rambled talked about Chávez some more. Through my selective listening I did catch a tidbit on how he will invoke his Enabling powers to permanently disqualify any opposition leader who calls for street protests from ever being a candidate. Ever again. For eternity.

And then Cabello and Maduro feigned indignation, exchanged pleasantries, and called for unity and peace. End of show.

To be fair, at least Diosdado did remain true to his word in that the show’s content was exclusively political…which is just like the other 99% of VTV’s programming. So really, Captain Cabello, you’re not blazing any broadcasting trails with this one.

Con el Mazo Dando was so drearily uneventful that I would feel guilty about wasting any more of your valuable time with this recap. So instead, I´ll just post some pictures of what was happing elsewhere around Venezuela during these 2 mind-numbing hours of nothing – events deemed too un-political to be covered by TV.