Dear Fake Pollster,
It’s an unpleasant thing to have to bring up, but we feel we really must have a word: there’s been a marked decline in the quality of the Fake Pollstering y’all have been putting out, and it simply will not do.
In particular, the following points demand urgent attention:
1. It is imperative that you make sure that the percentages in your Voting Intention Pie Charts add up to 100%. No more, no less. We cannot stress this enough. We’re looking right atcha, Servi Mercadeo: 119.43% of the vote is at least 19% too much.
2. Details matter, folks, so do mind the spelling, ok? We’re fascinated to find out 36.67% of Venezuelans intend to vote for Henrique Capriles Radonzki, but it’d be nice to know how many of them would consider supporting his evil doppleganger, Henrique Capriles Radonski.
3. Every Fake Pollster knows that giving off an air of exacting mathematical precision is crucial to making your Fake Poll believable. Reporting survey results to the second decimal is, naturally, de rigeur. Still, there is such a thing as overdoing this: projecting outcomes down to the specific number of votes each candidate will get four months before an election is trying too hard, ok, Datos Interdata?
(We agree that putting the name of a Real Pollster right in the middle of the name of your Fake Pollster was a nice touch, though…)
4. While we have you on the line, Datos Interdata, we’d like to note that having a FavIcon of SpongeBob SquarePants on your website does not bollster your credibility. The rule of thumb is: no SpongeBob anywhere on your website. Follow it.
5. And one last thing, Datos Interdata. Yes, you get points for Totally Made Up Methodological Precision re: your socio-economic stratification figures. But it is considered good form to at least pretend you have a little bit of a clue what you’re talking about in fabricating such details. To wit: telling us your sample is composed of stratum A (10%), B (20%), C (30%) and strata D-E (40%) is not likely to impress readers aware that Strata A-B together make up perhaps 3% of the population, C about 15%, and D and E in the neighborhood of 40% each. Do make a note of it for future reference.
6. Oh, and a word about websites. This goes for all of you, actually. It’s the 21st Century, folks: a Fake Pollster really can’t do without a minimally credible Fake Website. And no, a static front page and a “Sitio en Construcción” notice is not minimally credible, Predicmatica. Listen, I know it costs 20 or so precious CADIVI dollars, but trust me, having a top-level Domain Name really is necessary. http://datosinterdata-opinion.webnode.com.ve/ does not cut it.
But I’m especially unhappy with you two, International Consulting Services and Servi Mercadeo: you didn’t even get that far. It’s as though you didn’t take the trouble to put up a fake website at all. Shocking!
This is serious, folks. Frankly, a number of you seem to be just phoning it in at this point and, in the process, bringing Fake Pollsters everywhere into disrepute.
Fake polling is a calling; an art. You gotta put some heart into it. We can do better than this! Because, frankly, my own studies show that 103.739972% of Venezuelans think you’re doing a piss poor job of it.